So I brought up the fisting thing to my partner again, and basiy he said no. The idea of it does not turn him on and he does not think that I could accommodate a fist anyway.

Well..... We have been married for a long time. He has decided not to engage in sex any more, so I think I might have a sexual affair with some one else.

sounds like the perfect solution for your issues

Why not try letting him know exactly how you're feeling? That you're considering having an affair because of the failure to compromise you guys have?

Have you considered leaving? Also, you could fist yourself. My dude ain't turned on by fisting, either. But I somehow--for some funny reason--think having a torrid affair with another man might make things worse between us. Silly me and my odd thoughts.

I would be honest Let him know how important sexual fulfillment is for you, and what the alternatives will be if he cannot meet those needs.

Yeah, I have told him before and he does not like hearing it. I stay out pretty late some times with friends and he never questions me about where I have been. He has suggested that I have one himself. I have not done it yet. I have not been with anyone else in x years. Well, x years if you count that one time we shared a girlfriend of mine.

Welp, there you go. It's not an affair, it's a one-sided open marriage. I understand open marriages where love is there, but when each partner is out fucking others and never fucks each other--I always figure the only reason they stay together is for the health insurance, or something.

Or something like....love and commitment. When you spend a better part of your adult life building something with someone, you don't just walk away because of something like sex or the lack of it.

Hmm. I've always felt that sex is an integral part of a marriage, and a very important foundation for any relationship. Or at the very least, the mortar for the blocks ed "love" and "commitment." When two people are fully incompatible sexually, I fancy they stay together out of complacency and fear, and label these things "love" and "commitment." But what do I know.

I that settling for less because change is hard. People fear change. It's easier to stay unhappy, IMHO i couldn't do it

Wow, just, wow.

It's not about the fucking it's about feeling rejected from the one you love. and the lack of intimacy. without sex,a marriage is just x friends living together

I get what you're saying, but I don't fully agree with that. Sex is very important to some people, even to the point where they're miserable without it, or without the right "flavor" of sex for them. In those cases, that misery seems to always eventually spread to other parts of the relationship. In those cases, I ask - WHY stay together?

Not really true. Sex is very important. When the sex is bad or infrequent, it overshadows everything. When it is good, well, life goes on, and partners don't really discuss it. So it feels like (in a good marriage) that it is not that important. I agree you don't just walk away, you try your best to work it out, and in your case it may be opening the marriage. However, I want to point out that you will still have a husband who deserves your complete honesty...so keep everything in the light.

See, that little key piece of information there would've been very helpful from the start. Knowing that could've produced better, more pratical responses. If he has agreed to let you find pleasure elsewhere, problem solved!

I love it when shit works out.

I'm a sucker for happy endings myself.