wow, you think it's bad now. IMHO, iy doesn't seem the two of you get along very well. Would you want to raise your children with this bickering going on? It wouldn't be fair to them. There are great women out there that are not so demanding. Clyde made some good points. But, you may want to cut your losses now before they get deeper.

What To Do, Need Honest Advice (con't) He begged her for years go to to counseling (at least your wife went). She went until the ring was on the finger and deal was sealed. Then it was "Do NOT ask me to EVER go to counseling, I refuse, case closed!" So now he has two beautiful kids he is afraid to leave with a mother he says he cannot trust. Stop defending her behavior and inability to make adult decisions. Listen to your counselor. Your passivity is clearly why she is getting away with manipulation and in the end will put you in divorce court. Only if you have kids, it's going to cost you tremendously. Children should be a blessing, but on the verge of a possible breakup, will not only destroy your life financially but the life of the child you bring into this world. It saddens me to see nice guys get involved with women who manipulate, pillage and plunder the sanctity of marriage and a man's wallet by being selfish and having to have it THEIR way or the highway. Not to say men don't do this as well, but in your case, you see what I mean. Good luck to you. If you're smart, you'll stand your ground, make some rational decisions about this marriage based on solid counseling and good advice and either make it work where both parties are being fairly considered or get out now and don't look back. Life is too short.

after counseling we have done counseling forabout x weeks and then she stopped. the counselor told me in a single session that i have every right to ask for a divorve. I am not worried about me, but what about her? No family to support her and help emotionally. She will do well financially with her job if she controls her spending. Does she just need to be on her own for a year and learn to take care of herself? I am lost and want the counseling to continue but I think that is just to make it easier. I almost hope the counselor would talk her into leaving me>

why wait for her, you are just stretching out the inevitable. You are legally liable for her & half her debts. She could destroy your finances. You need to get an atty ASAP & protect yourself.

What to Do... I have to be honest. I had a friend go through this same thing. Be happy you have no kids yet and are standing your ground. My friend's wife took the decision in her own hands by ending the birth control before the honeymoon without notice. Kid one, x months later. They never got to develop a relationship as a twosome... to travel, explore the world and do things together as a couple, it was financial pressure from day one. His dreams and hopes for a successful marriage were pushed by the wayside for someone who was being rather selfish. Marriage is about shared decisions and both partners should be involved. It was not that he was opposed to children at all, but felt timing was important, so they could be prepared. Con't next post. Then as soon as kid one was almost x months, she was pushing another on him. "Well kids should be close in age, so they don't feel lonely. Plus you work too much and I'm alone." At x months?! Wow I wonder why he works so much!! Duh He was already emotionally and physiy exhausted from supporting the family of x, the big new house and every bill related... working x-x hours a day with his job... few hours of sleep a night from the stress. I think it's really important when you get involved with someone and decide to marry that you are both on the same page and in agreement with the major parts of how the marriage will take it's course. In the end, come to find out this woman had a seriously dysfunctional upbringing with major abandonment issues, violence, and other abuses ... several suicides in her family as well. Wife has BPD. She immediately wanted a family of her own to replace the one she could not count on growing up... or had committed suicide... at any cost...his wallet, his career, their ability to afford to live... To this day, he still can't understand how a woman he "loved and cherished" against everything his family warned him not to get involved with (they saw it a mile away), went through with the marriage. Now, he realizes... nothing in common, her verbal abuse (including to the kids), her drinking problem, refusal to get help and he is no longer in love with her anymore. The only love he has is for the mother of the kids. (Con't next post)

i can relate to what your wife is feeling about wanting kids, for women it's a desire that comes without any involvement of the brain. it sounds like you still love her & want to try to make it work. I suggest you make a list together about things you need to accomplish before trying to get pregnant. Make it about the two of you so you are not blaming her for everything. ask her what she wants you to improve on & tell her what you would like her to do. then decide together on things like how much money has to be in the bank first & who does what housework, and when you will discuss problems in an adult manner. then if these things go according to the plan tell her you guys can stop birth control then, but since she deceived you before tell her you will use condoms until that time.

how to go on I understand and have tried to talk these things out> she just tells me now that after counseling, that she doesnt want kids for a while> how can I trust her after she already tampered with condoms before> i am afraid to have sex with her. Additionally, her Dr. said no to kids as she has gained a considerable amount of weight in the past year> Gestational diabetes, etc. I mean she is only x, I"m x. I never thought I would be in a sexless, passionless marriage within x year. It is so aggravating. We have talked about what is necessary to have kids in the future, money, house, etc. She gets mad and says I am too rational and just need to do things. Her whole family if F'ed up> her dad had x kids by x. her step mom had a kid by x. her brother has beeen married x months longer than us and has two kids at x. Is it just their enviroment and lack of responsibility?

How To Go On If she has stopped counseling she is selfish and has no intention of continuing. You still don't get it. She is selfish and deceitful. What about her? She can financially support herself and I AM NOT WORRIED ABOUT ME... that is your first problem. You are passive, whatever she wants at any cost even if it's YOUR well being and future to consider too. The reason she is like this is because she has no family to support and help her, she comes from a seriously dysfunctional family and needs help to fix herself before she EVER should have gotten involved in a marriage. Sounds like she was "playing a part" from day one to hook a sucker daddy replacement. You CAN'T trust her. That is the point, she is deceitful.. get ready for that pinned condom, I can already see it... Sexless and passionless marriage this early? Wait until the kids come, you're done and feel lucky if you get laid a few times a year by the sound of it... You two talk about kids in the future, but yes someone has to be the rational adult here, she is x for Christ sakes what do you expect a child to know about marrying a mature x year old man? Look at her family history and see what you're in for. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. GOD AND GROW SOME BALLS !!

You got to take the next step. It seems as though you have exhausted all your options. Divorce may be your only way out. If you add children to your situation its just going to be worse. What are you wanting to hear?? WakeUpLazyBiznatch.....made some very good points. Take Care.

lock up the condoms, dude! but you may want to think about compromising on the x years thing. if her clock is ticking that hard it's going to get pretty ugly - lol! been there. i was theticking. and here's a tip - if you wait "til you can afford " - you'll never have them. if you are to a point that you don't foresee having your utilities cut off in the future, then go ahead. do be careful how you handle this - giving in too easily and compromising YOUR side too much will start a nasty cycle.

I am a woman and omg! You sound like sweet caring guy but don't let her walk all over you. I agree with the other post, it takes two. What is she contributing to the relationship besides fighting? DO NOT bring into the world when you are in this situation-good on your part. There is always a sucker in a relationship-I was the sucker in mine and I smartened up thank goodness. If she doesn't bring anything to the table except the checkbook with your money then she needs to go. Seriously, you can't get walked on if you don't lay down. I understand she isn't a horrible person, but she isn't a goodeither to take advantage of you because she can. She can make it work with you or she can get out. You can't carry all the burden and she expect you to take care of her and not meet your needs. You have to be happy too and only YOU can make YOU happy, she is just along for the ride because you let her be. So please think on this and know there are girls out there that won't treat you like that and you deserve to be happy, we all do.